Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
