YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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