period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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