i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
