Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
