I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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