My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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