true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
