just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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