i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
