Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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