I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
