finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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