just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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