ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize