i just wanna soil my oats bro
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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