I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
