I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
