Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
