we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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