oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
