i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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