Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
