I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
