I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
