If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
