I think im going to throw up on grandma
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I touched a dick in church today
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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