So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
