If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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