I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
