okay pat passed out under dana's car
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This house was built for laser tag.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
