A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
