is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
