Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
