Christians are straight up FREAKS
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
