Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
