3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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