I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
