but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
