i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
