sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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