i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
