i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
not ubering you a puppy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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