What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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