She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
