if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
