even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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