jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
