At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
