I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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