As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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