I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
