Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
