Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
