I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
