Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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