The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mom said you looked used
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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