omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
