I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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