dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
