And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
