Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
