just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
