What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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