I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
