I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
