i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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