i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
