Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
