Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There r osticjed everywhere
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
