I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
