I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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