She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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