Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
