i was born a porn star she said
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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