No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
