time to smoke my breakfast
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm too high and old for this...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
